How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You're like the curious george of whores
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
