I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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