i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
