I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
