sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
