i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
