Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
