Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
