Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
