you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
