My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He? As in you personified your dick?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
