how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
