My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
