I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
