i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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