I hate your face
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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