Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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