Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
