if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
