I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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