SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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