Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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