The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
