I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There's always time for handjobs
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Randomize
