The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
