Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
