On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
