So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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