My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
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