woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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