Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
