i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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