I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
