Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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