Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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