I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
