This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
