Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
