Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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