but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
