I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
