I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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