1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
