she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
