I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
