College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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