i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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