this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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