I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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