Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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