Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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