I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
