my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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